In November 2000, my father's eldest brother, Rajwar Tikendra Bahadur Pal, passed away. In the Hindu tradition, no festivities or celebrations are to be held by the family during the period of mourning, approximately one year. Geoff and I are respecting this tradition and have cancelled our Hindu ceremony. May he rest in peace.

We have compiled a short summary of a Hindu ceremony. In India, there are hundreds of ways of celebrating marriage, due to the various religions (Hindu, Sikh, Jain, Christian, Muslim) and regions. The ceremony described below is just one of many Hindu variations that exist around the country.

HINDU MARRIAGE

Arranged marriages are still common in India. In a traditional marriage arrangement, parents would choose their children's partners to ensure their wealth would stay within the same caste (see adaniel.tripod.com/historycaste.htm for a history of the caste system), or to form alliances with another regions, and were sometimes determined at birth.

Once the families had agreed on a dowry (bride price; property that a girl's family gives to the boy upon marriage), they would seek the help of a Brahmin priest to determine whether the two children are a match or not based on their horoscopes (date and time of birth). The outcome is taken very seriously. Only if the couple is destined to be together, can the ceremony take place. The same horoscope combination will indicate the most auspicious date and time- to the minute- for the main ceremony to happen, which could mean that the couple must wait up to a year to become married.

Hindu ceremonies vary greatly. Ceremonies can take up to 15 days, depending on how traditional or wealthy the families involved are. Today it's usually one to five days. On each day there are specific ceremonies to be carried out, the first a ring ceremony, called Misri, where the groom's family gives a ring to the bride, and the bride's family gives one to the groom.

The groom and bride prepare for their wedding separately, in their parents' homes. A few days before the wedding ceremony is the Sangeet party, where musicians fill the house with classic Indian music to let the neighbors (the entire community) know that they are invited to join the festivities. Clarified butter, coconut and olive oils are massaged into their hair. The groom receives a black dot on his right cheek to ward off evil spirits and the mark of Shiva- three strokes- on his third eye (forehead). Older relatives present them with gifts of money. They will each go with their entourages to temples nearby, where offerings of food are made. Incense is burned and then food is eaten together, making it a day-long ceremony.

Two days before the wedding, he bride's hands, arms and feet are decorated with mehendi (henna- a vegetable dye), which is painted in intricate patterns and left on overnight to permeate the skin. The day before the wedding, it is removed. The deeper the color, the more fortune will come upon her. The name of the groom is hidden somewhere in the design; if the groom can't find it, he is not worthy of her. During these preparatory days, the bride or groom are forbidden to leave the home other than to the temple, to ensure that nothing happens to them.

The day of the wedding, the bride wears a sari, usually red, with real gold threads woven through it. Her arms, hands, head and ankles are covered in bracelets, rings and other jewellery. On her forehead the site of the third eye, is a small jewel. The groom, just as elaborately dressed and topped with a turban, will visit the bride's parents. On his wedding day, he is an idol of god, and so they wash his feet.

The bride and groom come together for the main ceremony, where musicians play drums, horns and flutes. It is a festive atmosphere with firecrackers and flowers covering everything. Guests are sprinkled with rose water as they arrive. The bride's face is covered, and they are seated facing the priest. The ceremony begins:
Ganesh Puja- prayers are made to the elephant-headed god so as not to show favoritism amongst the human gods. The prayer is to remove all obstacles during the function. The bride seeks blessings from Goddess Parvati for a good husband.
Punyaha Vachanam- Vedic mantras (hymns) are chanted by the priest.
Rakshabandhana- Sacred threads are dipped in turmeric water and tied to the right wrist of the groom and the left wrist of the bride.
Madhuparka- yogurt with honey, and new clothes are given to the groom by the bride's father to represent the beginning of a new life.
Panigrahana- the priest sanctifies the marriage. The bride's father offers her daughter in marriage first to the gods and then to the groom, who promises to take care of her. to give away his daughter and then to the groom, with the groom assuring him that he will take care of her. .
Samkalpa- the groom agrees to marry the bride and promises to take care of her.
Churnika- prayers are made to nature and the nine planets.
Sumhurta- the bride and groom look at each other for the first time. They touch the top of each other's heads, traditionally to charge the attraction to one another.
Mangalasutra- the groom puts a gold necklace on the bride, a symbol of a happy and prosperous married life.
Vivaha- the groom asks the bride to become responsible for his household.
Laja homa- the bride and groom walk around the sacred fire four times, taking vows to lead a life of dharma (righteousness), artha (prosperity), kama (happy family) and moksha (path of god).
Saptapadi- the bride and groom take seven steps around the fire, each time promising to love each other and continue life as one, and throwing offerings of rice.
Puja- the couple is looked on as gods (Narayana and Lakshmi), and family elders sprinkle rice on their heads as a symbol of prosperity.
Naka Bali- offerings are made to the moon and celestial gods.
Akshata Aropanam- the married couple is blessed with yellow rice by four married women.
Manthrapushpam- holy flowers are offered for blessings from God (in Hinduism, all gods are aspects of one supreme being)
Ashirvadam- the priest, along with the couple's elders, ask for blessings from God.
Shanti Padam- prayers are made for peace.

Sendhu (orange powder) is applied to the bride's forehead to indicate that she is married. Usually a feast is held for all in attendance. The next day, small ceremonies are held for the married couple at the bride's and groom's houses, led by a priest.

Vivaha (marriage) is the 13th sanskara, or rite of passage in a Hindu's life.

TIBETAN MARRIAGE

Since the Chinese occupation of Tibet in 1949, Tibetan people have been making the treacherous trek across the Himalayan mountain range to seek refugee status in India (recommended movies: Wind Horse, The Little Buddha, The Cup). Their camps are mostly in the north; Dharmsala is the Dalai Lama's home in exile. Tibetan Buddhist traditions are still strong today.

In Tibet, there are 3 types of marriage: monogamous, polygamous (one man with more than one wife), or polygynous (one woman with more than one husband). The majority of the population is monogamous, and lives with their parents, although not with grandparents. Most Tibetan kings have several wives. Because such a large number of marriageable-aged men become monks, the ratio of men to women is very low. In sparsely populated areas, if a wife's sisters want to live with her, her husband will marry them too. Many brothers marrying one woman is considered harmony of brotherhood, and any children born are considered children of the eldest husband.

Usually, a couple will ask their parents for permission to marry. An elder from the boy's family will propose the marriage to the girl's parents. Sometimes, the marriage is arranged. Either side may marry into the other family.

Here is a colorful description of the ceremony, as described on http://omni.cc.purdue.edu/~wtv/tibet/marriage.html

'On the wedding day the groom (or wife)'s house (or tent) will have been refurbished, the bowls painted with eight auspicious emblems ready for use, and a square carpet of white wool laid to welcome guests. The day before, the maternal uncle of the groom goes to to bride's house (or tent) taking along as gifts a white horse for the bride to ride on, a bridal gown of white woolen fabric as well as a tea-brick and a large chunk of butter. Two girls from the bride's side will greet the groom's uncle: "Respectful Uncle, please drink the three bowls of delicious beer from us" and so on. The uncle answers and drinks the beer without dismounting the horse, then proceeds to bride's house (or tent). He opens the door with a hada (ceremonial scarf). After presenting the hada to her parents, he chants a blessing to every object inside, stove, chairs etc.

The next day, the bride puts on the bridal gown and rides the white horse to groom's house (or tent) in the company of her uncle and his uncle. His uncle rides ahead to announce the arrival of the bride. Two girls from the side of the groom will offer her uncle barley beer and sing in antiphony with him. In the meantime, the bride will dismount in front of the house (or tent), and step exactly in the middle of the white mat where there is a emblem formed from grains of barley. When the bride's uncle and the two girls have sung long enough, the groom's family will ask him to dismount and come in.
Likewise, the bride's uncle open the door with a hada. Once inside, they exchange hadas and chant blessings. Then the groom's uncle formally open the wedding.

The groom and the bride will kneel down in front of the parents of the groom and the picture of Buddha while the monks chant. Then the bride will use her ring finger to flip milk-tea three times to salute the heaven, earth, Buddha. After these, the bride will serve milk-tea to the parents of the groom.
The wedding feast will then start. A master of ceremony, `nianbo', will manage the banquet which is interrupted by many presentations of hadas, blessings and gifts. Sometimes the groom and the bride are nearly buried beneath the large number of hadas tied around their necks.'

The celebrations involve the entire community and may last for days. "The party can last for days," says Mati Bernabei, who has married a Tibetan man, now living in Vancouver.